• "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put your sister and I together."
• "Is your father a thief? Because that's totally my jetta you parked outside."
• "You must be tired, 'cause you've been running through my mind all night. ...Screaming."
• "That shirt looks good on you, but it would look even better stuffed into the neck of a vodka bottle and flung burning through our office building's window. Let's do it. Let's fucking do it and never look back. "
• "Wanna play an army game? Lay down on the ground and I'll blow your brains out."
• "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
• "Did you die and go to hell...? 'cause you're hot!"
• "Baby, are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got 'I'm gonna max out your credit card' written all over you. "
• "Eeee, by gum, you don't sweat much for a fat lass" (said in a thick, thick Northern English accent)

reminds me of a when my cohabitating then-girlfriend said to me "nice pants!"

I was going to say "thanks! i bet they'd look great crumpled on your bedroom floor" but then I remembered... she's seen them crumpled on the bedroom floor, along with some shorts and assorted other laundry and frankly, she knows that it doesn't look that great.